Sunday, 24 July 2016
Charmed (Silver hearts - deux)
I'm sure that by now, everyone reading this blog has begun to piece together the many different sides of Emily's personality. (The goofball, the angry madam, the sarcastic and sassy lady). This is undoubtedly one of the main reasons why I am writing these stories. I want to you to get to know all of her little quirks- I think it's the best way I can keep her alive and keep her memory clear.
I feel however that there is one side that I haven't yet dedicated enough time to, and it just so happens that it's one of the strongest and most beautiful personality traits that Em had.
Among the family, there's a running joke in regards to the buying of presents and cards for occasions. More specifically, there's a very accurate running joke, formed from truth - Emily would buy presents and cards months in advance and hide them away until the right time. This is in complete juxtaposition to me, who would be totally unaware an important date was coming up until I got a text or phone call off Emily. She'd roll her eyes and mock me, calling me an unorganised berk. (She was right of course, not that I ever admitted it to her).
Emily was the most generous & thoughtful person I have ever met - it makes me so proud to share these stories with you.
There was no day and night, no quiet in our house. It had been two days since Em had passed, and nothing mattered. I paid attention to nothing and no-one. I lay in her room, on her bed, and would stare for hours at the card my Grandma had recently bought for her.
It read, YOU'RE MY SUNSHINE.
So many people came to visit. The door never stayed shut. There were so many cards- they coated all the walls. I hated that they were up. I understand it's the done thing to send them, and that they are just an example of the love people felt for the deceased- I still hated them. We had to borrow vases from all our Aunties in order to be able to keep the masses of bouquets that were being delivered every hour.
I lay on Em's bed, her bedroom door shut. I needed to be alone, I'd used up all my words.
There was no-one I wanted to see, and nothing I wanted to say.
Apart from Em of course, but I would never get to hear her voice again.
There was yet another knock on the door.
I shut my eyes and pulled my knees up as high under my chin as I could get them.
My Mum came in five minutes later. She closed the door behind her- shutting out the noise.
She lay down next to me, handing me a small amazon package.
'I haven't ordered anythi...'.
The blood rushed to my head, pounding in my ears. My brain desperately searched for sense, some sort of explanation.
The package was addressed to my Emily.
'You open it Beth'.
We both expected it to be some sort of small pokemon keyring - Em absolutely loved buying these, and accumulated a massive collection in her last years (amongst pokemon canvases and teddies- which have now all been shared out amongst her family).
We used to joke about the packages that regularly dropped through our letterbox, covered in distinctive Japanese writing.
As I've said though, this was clearly from Amazon. It was different.
I ripped off the familiar easy opening strip on the packet, and turned it upside down on the bed.
Out fell two identical PANDORA charms. They were held in two separate see-through plastic bags. They were the shape of a heart.
(Both Emily and I had bracelets- they had been the cause of a massive argument a few years ago as I had to wait until I was sixteen to get mine, and Emily got hers at about 14- something I'm not proud of- but it's an example of the way in which we treated each other as teenage sisters are expected to)!
We couldn't speak.
We couldn't cry.
Confusion, just, pure confusion.
How had she ordered these?
Suddenly the muggy cloud cleared from my brain.
I pulled the receipt out of the cardboard.
Emily's bank details were there.
She'd definitely bought these then.
The date was there.
She'd bought them the day before she died.
She slept almost all that day though, and fitted for the other half?!
She'd bought them in the morning, before my Mum had gone in to wake her.
There was a note on the receipt:
The tears came.
Her generosity was astounding.
I looked at my Mum, and saw my own feelings and thoughts reflected right back at me in that moment.
We we're so lucky to be able to call her our daughter and sister.
That was the best gift. (We still cherish the hearts though).
A few days later the significance of this gift truly became obvious to me...
When she woke up that morning, my beautiful Emily knew that she was close to having to leave us forever. She didn't say anything to us.
She bought us a final present.
The heart comes with me wherever I go, as does Em.